When it comes to mental health, one figure stands out: Brené Brown. Dr. Brown has spent the past two decades studying vulnerability, courage, shame and empathy. She's the author of five #1 New York Times bestsellers, including Dare to Lead, which is the culmination of a seven-year study on courage and leadership.
(Click here to read more about Dr. Brown)
Recently I had the chance to listen to Brene Brown talk about her book, the aforementioned Dare to Lead in Whitney Johnson’s Disrupt Yourself podcast.
Below is the first part of my takeaways from the episode.
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What is the main reason people don’t have more honest conversations about mental health?
The following illustrations can give a clue.
When our relative has diarrhea, we tend to ask what he ate in the past 24-48 hours or so. Or, if our friend gets COVID-19, we’d ask them (with empathy and compassion preferably) what they did beforehand (e.g. “Did you go outside?” “Did you not wash your hands?” Etc).
When it comes to physical health issues, oftentimes the focus is on one aspect of the person, which is usually the actions.
Now, suppose someone has depression. In this case, we tend to ask questions to better understand him as a person, specifically through 2 lenses: nature and nurture. Otherwise it’d be hard to identify what triggers the depression. We might inquire about his genetics (“Does your family have a history of depression?”), upbringing (“Did you experience childhood trauma?”), and his work (“Do you have an excessive workload and extreme time pressures?”).
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The complexity of nature and nurture can make it difficult for someone living with mental health issues to separate their identity from the issues they’re struggling with. It might even influence how they see themselves altogether.
This is made more apparent when Dr. Brown highlights the underlying emotion when a person talks about physical and mental health.
Someone who gets COVID might feel guilty because he did something wrong. He should have stayed home but he didn’t. Guilt.
On the other hand, someone who has severe depression might feel ashamed because he believes there’s something wrong with him. His feelings are caused by his own perception, experience, or even genetics, not by what he had done. Shame.
A person who broke his leg would say, “I broke something,” whereas someone who has depression would say, “I am broken.”
Guilt and shame.
The former focuses on what we do, while the latter focuses on who we are (identity).
As such, shame is the main reason people don’t have more honest conversations about mental health.
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